It’s funny how things stick with you over time.

Of all the wise things my now late dad taught me over the years, it was his sense of humor that I remember the most.

There wasn’t a time I can remember after becoming an adult when I would visit home and dad would share a joke or funny saying he had overheard.

He loved to joke about his days in school, saying that he wasn’t an astute student, but rather, “was a warm body taking up a seat.”

One of his favorite sayings was, “It’s not the questions I have trouble with, it’s the answers.”

I think he could have passed the following quiz with flying colors. As a matter of fact, I think the young man that wrote these answers should have been given a 100 score. However, his teacher saw it another way as his final grade on the test was a big, fat zero.

Read these questions carefully and see if you agree with the answers given by this young man.

Question 1: In which battle did Napoleon die?

Answer: His last battle.

Question 2: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

Answer: At the bottom of the page.

Question 3: River Ravi flows in which state?

Answer: Liquid.

Question 4: What is the main reason for divorce?

Answer: Marriage.

Question 5: What is the main reason for failure?

Answer: Exams.

Question 6:  What can you never eat for breakfast?

Answer: Lunch and dinner.

Question 7: What looks like half an apple?

Answer: The other half.

Question 8: If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what  will it become?

Answer: Wet.

Question 9: How can a man go eight days without sleeping?

Answer: No problem, he sleeps at night.

Question 10: How can you lift an elephant with one hand?

Answer: You will never find an elephant that has only one hand. If you do, that’s a rare find because elephants normally do not have hands.

Question 11: If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?

Answer: Very large hands.

Question 12: If it took eight men a total of 10 hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?

Answer: No time at all, the wall is already built.

Question 13: How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?

Answer: Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack, especially by an egg.

Question 14: How did fossilized oyster shells get on top of Mt. Everest?

Answer: Very slowly.

Question 15: From where do living things receive their energy.

Answer: Quarter-pounder combo, supersized, at McDonalds.

After giving this student a zero on the test, the teacher tried to lift his spirits (and end of year results) by allowing him to write a short story using as few words as possible. The story had to be based on three elements – religion, sexuality and mystery.

For his efforts he was given an A+ for writing – “Good God, my girlfriend is pregnant; I wonder who did it?

 

Cal Bryant is Editor of Roanoke-Chowan Publications. He can be contacted at cal.bryant@r-cnews.com or 252-332-7207.