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They’re back…those criminal masterminds who are – okay, let’s call it realistically based upon their lame-brain actions – three bricks short of a load or whose elevator (aka – mind) doesn’t reach the top floor.

So, without further ado, I proudly present – as I do from time to time – the latest installment of Dumb Crook News. I’ve scoured the Internet – high and low – in an effort locate stories of criminals who apparently didn’t use a lot of brain power when planning their dastardly deeds.

According to Global News, security footage from the police station in Gladstone, Ore., shows a male suspect attempting to take the only bike in the bicycle rack outside the building on Dec. 27, shortly after 6 p.m. in the evening.

In the video, the masked and hooded suspect can be seen attempting to free the bike from a rack outside the police station using a pair of large bolt cutters. The rack is directly beside a window stamped with the words “Gladstone Police,” around the corner from the entrance to the station, and in full view of the outdoor security camera.

A uniformed police officer walks out of the station and approaches the suspect less than 30 seconds into the video, startling the “would-be thief.” The officer points a Taser at the suspect’s chest, prompting him to sit down with hands on his head.

The man, age 26, was charged with theft, criminal mischief and felon in possession of weapons.

In Maryland, police are searching for a man they have affectionately dubbed as the “Bad Luck Bandit.”

Global News reports that Prince George’s County Police Department said a man was caught on surveillance footage breaking into a restaurant with a brick. Police say the man shattered the store’s front window, walked in and then tried to use the same brick to break what turned out to be bulletproof glass.

The suspect repeatedly tried to break the window protecting the front counter, and the brick bounced back on the third try, striking him in the head. He fell down and lay there for a few minutes before leaving the scene.

Another suspect got away from a crime scene in Aurora, Colorado, but lost his weapon and dropped his pants in the process.

Security camera footage shows a man walking a vape shop and attempting to take out what police later said was a replica handgun. But it ends up flying over the counter instead, according to Global News. The weapon turned out to be a BB gun.

The video captures the surprise on the suspect’s face as the gun makes its way over the counter. The suspect attempts to climb over the counter, before appearing to change his mind. He runs back out the store’s entrance. He is then seen losing his pants before going off screen. The clerk then goes to the door and appears to lock it.

“I don’t want to downplay the seriousness of an armed robbery, but the guy really does belong in the ‘world’s dumbest criminals,’” store owner Chris Burgess told a reporter with the Denver Post. “He needs to find a new career.”

He added store policy is to give suspected armed robbers “whatever they want.” He said in this situation, the clerk reacted appropriately.

Officers obtained the replica gun in question and say they’re hoping to obtain fingerprints from it to help in the investigation.

Meanwhile, down in Georgia, a bank robbery suspect in Gwinnett County is accused of making a crucial mistake following his alleged crime.

The suspect was arrested in connection with a spree of bank robberies in Lawrenceville, Ga. after he appeared in an on-camera interview with a local news station for an unrelated story about public transit.

Lawrenceville police say the man was suspected of having just robbed a Chase Bank and was believed to be in the midst of casing several other banks when he agreed to the interview with the WGCL-TV reporter. He apparently used his real name during the interview and also removed his hat and du-rag, which he is alleged to have worn during the robberies based on security camera images released by police.

As police investigated the reported robberies, a bank manager said the suspect walked towards the WGCL news truck after leaving the building. Police followed up the lead and was provided the suspect’s name by the news station.

In Oklahoma, it didn’t take authorities very long to find the culprit who allegedly broke into a woman’s home and stole $4,000 worth of items, including a deep fryer.

To solve this caper, all the police had to do was follow the trail of grease across the street to the home of the suspected thief.

According to Global News, the arrest affidavit shows that the police followed the “noticeable grease spots” that started from the woman’s home and led to her neighbor’s backyard.

The police found the stolen items, to include the deep fryer, hidden around the suspect’s house.

And my final “criminal mastermind” is perhaps the best at what he does.

Police in Albuquerque, New Mexico arrested a 40-year-old man after they discovered he was responsible for an alleged theft at a local consignment store.

And what tipped off the police?

Just prior to the alleged theft, the man handed the clerk at the store his business card with all his personal information on it.

According to police, the handed over his business card in an attempt to solicit a date from the female store clerk.

“We didn’t have to call Columbo in on this one because this guy left his name with his business card after he shoplifted, trying to pick up on the girl he shoplifted from,” Albuquerque Police Department Public Information Officer Simon Drobik told KOB News.”

You just can’t make this stuff up! But thankfully, these masterminds do allow me to share their hilarious crimes with you!

Cal Bryant is the Editor of Roanoke-Chowan Publications. Contact him at cal.bryant@r-cnews.com or 252-332-7207.