Well, darn, my boy Donald lost the Iowa caucus. And here I thought he was a shoe-in to sweep all 50 states.

How could the ultimate winner come up a loser? It just doesn’t make any sense. I think there must have something shady going on up there.

Out of the top three candidates for the Republican nomination, two of them are Hispanic. But the Republicans hate Hispanics, want to take away their jobs, and want to throw them out of the country, even if they have natural born citizens for children.

Even more weird, the winner of the caucus, Ted Cruz, is not only Hispanic, he’s a native born Canadian. That just ain’t right. And even he, a Hispanic Canadian, wants to boot the Hispanics out of the USA.

The Canadians couldn’t beat us fair and square 200 years ago in the War of 1812, so they’ve been plotting to take over in a scheme even more diabolical than Obama’s Kenyan and Kansan parents concocted in 1961. Their plan was nothing compared the Canadians plan to establish a North American king.

The Obama parents just developed a simple plan spanning 56 years that involved taking their Kenyan, Islamic son to Hawaii, getting a fake birth certificate, and announcing his birth in several local newspapers so he, a black man in the Jim Crow United States, could be elected president so that he could enshrine Sharia Law, start the Islamic State in Syria and Iraq, and crush anybody who tried to protect or defend the Constitution.

The Canadian schemers’ nefarious plan, still unraveling as we speak, is far too complex for simple people like me to fathom.

I expect that the Canadians entered into some kind of evil partnership with Cuba 200 years ago, probably with the foresight and assistance of Fidel’s great-great grandfather, to subjugate the United States and make it a colony of the Canadian government…or maybe it’s the plan of the Brit’s so they could undue the Revolutionary War.

Yeah, that’s the ticket. The Brit’s lost control of their empire after the 19th Century, so in a brilliantly malevolent and insightful conspiracy between the King of England, the Canadian prime minister, and the great-great grandfather, probably a cigar maker, of one of the 20th Century’s most ardent Communist dictators (forget that this conspiracy was started in 1815, three years before Karl Marx was born), they planned to take over the greatest, most powerful nation on Earth (now, not so much back then).

Now that I’ve discovered this dastardly plot, I’m wondering where Mexico fits in. If Canada is trying to get control of USA through a Trojan Cuban Canadian presidential candidate in order to control the North American continent, they must also be planning something with Mexico.

Maybe they sent a Hispanic Canadian down south in order to appeal to the Mexican people. Maybe when he’s president, he’ll try to woo the Mexicans to give up self rule to become a true confederation of North American states.

This, coincidentally, would include Cuba.

Hey, and maybe that’s why President Cruz wants so desperately to get rid of his fellow Hispanics in the US. He could round them up, but instead of deporting them, form them into military units ordered to invade and conquer Mexico.

After conquest, using rampant drug cartels and corrupt government officials (we sure don’t have any them in the USA) as an excuse, Cruz takes control of the newly unified countries.

Spanish speakers can live in the newly absorbed Mexico and English speakers stay north of the border.

I guess when the Canadians take over from their patsy, Cruz, and then the Brits take over from them, we’ll just be multicultural, with Spanish, English, and French for official languages.

And, don’t forgot, we’ll all lose our rights as citizens.

 

Keith Hoggard is a Staff Writer at Roanoke-Chowan Publications. He can be contacted at keith.hoggard@r-cnews.com or 252-332-7206.